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| I have faith in people because of my faith in God.
I will get through this because I know You are there to carry me when I fall.
Barely surviving now but I'm gonna press on because You are God of all flesh and nothing is too difficult for You.
Time to rethink how I lead and how I win people.
Tired but I cast my burdens upon Him! | | |
| Hello xanga, it's been a while.
Zhuo just told me that there's gna be a zone restructure ):
Apparently me and mel might be moved elsewhere... but I rly don't want to be moved.
I know it's gna be better, so much more space for growth, but it's gna take so much out of me to step out of this comfort zone I've been in for the past 2 years.
Who am I going to run to when the people I'm leading get so hard to lead?
Who am I going to get advice from all the time?
Who is going to push and encourage me to stretch and grow myself?
(The HS is whispering, "God.")
Time to go up to a whole new level of God dependence.
This whole year prepared the foundation for that, I realised.
Maybe things won't be the way I'm imagining them to be, but I'm still feeling rather apprehensive about the whole thing.
Such reluctance, and yet such a need, for me to step out in faith for bigger and better things.
I guess I'm just really afraid of losing my grip and falling - without anyone to pull me back.
Today I make a commitment and a pre-made decision that I will always hang on to You God, no matter what happens.
That even when I don't see an end to all the pain and disappointment and hurt, I will believe that a breakthrough is still on its way, that You'll pull me through it all because You are my God, the rock on which I stand. | | |
| Just for the record...
Morning: Finally walked up the staircase at the same time as eyecandy today after a few months of anticipating it hahaha. Happy ^^
Afternoon: Nothing much. Almost keeled over from the heat. Aircon everywhere but I was still perspiring like a pig. Global warming = switch on aircon = more emission of CFCs = more global warming. 
Night: Went running and praying again. LOVE THE RHYTHMS OF IT.
Listening to Jay Chou songs feeling all morose right now. Still, it's a great improvement from the past few days, I must say.
Feeling the love for life coming back...
Thank You, thank You, thank You.
For keeping me sane, for keeping me protected, for loving me. | | |
| I actually feel really, really alone right now.
Fast forward 5 hours and 10 mins to 2am and I'd totally be crying and feeling all emo/suicidal.
Time to face the truth: really, it's all just me.
I'm antisocial, I'm weird, I can't get along with people, I can't build deep relationships with people anymore since the day I hit the age of 15. Just can't find it in myself to trust people.
So much for being deep and cool and aloof.
Half the time I'm actually just walkg around looking like I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms or smth. -.-
If you ask me who's my best friend right now, I'd totally look you straight in the eyes and say, "I don't even have somebody to call a friend."
Hiding from everything - I feel so emotionally detached from the rest of the world that it scares me. | | |
| No man is an island.
All our situations differ.
Not irreplaceable. We knew this.
I stand where you used to.
You stand where I want to.
Fighting, clinging on.
I know for sure that I will never leave.
What I'm struggling so hard to hold on to is just... my sanity.
In the midst of the crowds, where there's noise and excitement and hype, I have faith that everything will be well.
In my own room, I've got nothing.
Seeking refuge in the quiet place.
I need You to speak. I need You like never before. | | |
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